It seems to be a very common thing for people to avoid counselling for a number of reasons. Many people say that they are worried about others finding out that they are in therapy, and some say that they don’t believe that counselling can work for them. These are just some of the concerns people have around counselling. A therapist in the United States by the name of Megan Hale conducted research on the reasons why people avoid therapy.
The five biggest reasons people don’t go for therapy:
1. Fear of stigma
The reality is that a negative stigma surrounding mental health in all countries is still prevalent. Many people have a difficult time admitting that they need professional help because they don’t want to be seen by others as “crazy,” unfit, or incapable of solving their life problems on their own. This fear of being seen as “less than” is an extremely strong force that keeps people from seeking therapy.
The truth is that people choose to come to therapy for all kinds of reasons. Some people are looking for more insight, more self-awareness, and tools to improve their overall life satisfaction. People who choose therapy may see the value in working on themselves and are insightful to know if and when they may be in over their heads. Life is full of difficult events, decisions, and transitions.
2. Fear of diagnosis
The main misconception regarding diagnosis is that once you’re diagnosed, you will maintain that diagnosis forever. This is simply not true.
Psychiatrists may diagnose a mental illness and prescribe medication. Psychologists and Social Workers may not. We, being psychologists and social workers are trained to identify mental illnesses, but we do not diagnose.
Psychologists and Social workers rely on psychotherapy, otherwise known as “talk therapy” to help clients.
3. Fear of always being in therapy
Just like there is a misconception surrounding diagnosis, likewise there is a false belief that once you pursue therapy you will always be in therapy. In reality, therapy is one of the few relationships in which the main goal is to say “goodbye.”
The amount of time spent working with a therapist will vary greatly depending on the issues someone is working through, their commitment to therapy/making therapy a priority, completion of outside homework assignments, and the type of therapy provided. Some people choose to continue to work with a therapist after their presenting issues have resolved, in order to further their self-exploration or begin work on other areas of their life. This choice is always up to the client.
4. Fear of being judged
“Many of my clients have told me during their first session that they were nervous to come because they were afraid I’d judge them. This always leaves me surprised and a bit sad.” I can relate with Megan Hale on this sentence. Many of my clients have said this exact same thing to me or they have thanked me at the end of the session for not judging them.
Therapists undergo specific training to create a safe therapeutic environment. Besides being taught how to cultivate warmth, unconditional positive regard, and a non-judgmental atmosphere, current therapists are also required to go through multicultural studies, which increases our insight into the variety of cultural norms that exist in our country.
5. Fear of opening up to a stranger
Trust me. As therapists, we get it. It can be really uncomfortable opening up to a complete stranger. It’s kind of an unnatural process to go into a room with someone you’ve never met and share some very personal content. But here’s the thing: the therapeutic relationship is beneficial specifically for that reason. The relationship you form with a therapist is a blank slate. We serve as an outside perspective. We are not emotionally involved with you and, for the most part, are not personally affected by the decisions you make.
What’s more, we aren’t at liberty to discuss your issues with other people unless you give us permission to, or other specific criteria have been met. We know this can be difficult for people, which is why most of us are patient and put the ball in your court to decide how much you share and when. Good therapists know how to dance with your discomforts and put more value in organic trust than forcing you into a situation where you clearly aren’t comfortable yet.
Bonus: Fear of confronting the issue
Just like with anything else, people can continue to put off the inevitable regardless of how much evidence they have supporting the fact they need to make a change. In regards to therapy, sometimes people find it easier to deny there is a problem, or they avoid it all together. They may have expectations or beliefs of what will happen if they do confront the issue. They may also be fearful of the emotions it may bring up, so they avoid, put off, or deny it at all costs.
From time to time, some issues CAN resolve themselves. That doesn’t always happen, and only you know if a problem continues to persist. If a problem doesn’t seem to go away, or you find yourself in the same pattern over and over again, it may be time to warm up to the idea of confronting the issue with the help of a professional.
I enjoyed the article written by Megan Hale because she really highlights the most common reasons why people avoid counselling. But I always respond to people by asking them “If your drain is blocked, would you call a plumber?” More often than not, their answer is “Yes”. If you have a mental block; or an unhelpful repeated pattern of behaviour or you seem to struggle with certain personality types, how is seeking help any different from calling a plumber when your drain is blocked…